I think it’s fair to say that 2020 was not what any of us expected. It has definitely been a rollercoaster of a year which has, in one way or another, impacted every single one of us. For everyone in the UK, the year also ended on a low when 5 days before Christmas, tighter restrictions and lockdowns were announced all over. To say it caused some upset is an understatement. For small businesses, this was especially hard as they were told they had to shut down - again. On that note, try to support local and small businesses however you can. Many have online shops or offer pick-ups.
No matter what 2020 has been like though, I think it’s important to always take some time to reflect on the past year. I cannot believe that (as I’m writing this) it’s the 31st of December already. Though it’s been pretty shit, 2020 has flown by. I guess lockdowns will have that effect. So before we greet 2021 with open arms, let’s take a quick moment to reflect on things that we learned this year. As I’m sure you’ve heard about a million times, life is a journey. You never stop learning. So in celebration of that, here are a few things that I have learned in 2020.
Slowing down
If there is one thing that a global pandemic and lockdown will teach you, it’s to slow down. Back in March, when the first lockdown was announced, it’s like the world came to a standstill. Streets were empty, shop shelves were bare, most shops were closed… It kind of felt like the world was ending, to be honest. When everything around us slowed down, it was time for us to take a moment to reevaluate what we were doing.
I’m sure some of you can relate to being used to running around from meeting to meeting, always having a diary full of appointments and a million things to do. When being forced to stay at home, that all came to an end. There was nowhere to go, no one to meet. And it taught me that having a hectic lifestyle might not actually be what’s best. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being busy and having things to do, but not so much being buried under a pile of to-dos and emails.
So for 2021, I am slowing down. I am taking on just what I can and want to do, nothing more. Life’s too short to be so busy you let it fly past you. If this year has shown me anything, it’s that time goes very quickly and, once it’s gone, there is no getting it back.
Different ways to connect
When meeting up in person became impossible, we had to find new ways to stay connected. Zoom quizzes became something everyone and their auntie did. I never actually did a Zoom quiz so I can’t really say anything about them but I did have Christmas dinner with my family over Teams and it was so much fun.
Seeing people online is definitely not the same as being able to see them in person. That feeling of warmth and closeness can’t be mimicked by any screen. When we don’t have a choice though, it’s a great tool to feel less alone and homesick. I have been living by myself since September and I would be lying if I said that I didn’t crave human contact every once in a while. I considered getting a cat on more than one occasion.
We are social creatures so we need contact with others - not just online. If you live alone in particular, find one other household that you can form an extended household with. This will allow you to get some physical contact, like a simple hug, when you really need it. And until we can see all of our loved ones again, video calls will be the way to go.
Work/life balance
In the past year, most of our home has become more than just our home. It’s become our office, our classroom, our gym, our pub and more. The concept of work/life balance has never been as important as it has in 2020. When your office and your home have become the same place, you need to set certain rules to maintain a healthy balance. It can be difficult to switch off after a day of work or class when your computer is there and staring at you all the time.
Tidying your workspace and putting things away at the end of your day can really help. If you struggle to stop working and enjoy your night off, try to physically end your workday: turn off your computer, put it away if it’s a laptop, close your notebooks… On the other hand, I have found it difficult to find motivation when being in my “chill space”. I’m used to being out and about for work and then coming home to relax and recharge.
So in that same way, create motivation by opening up your workspace and desk. Get all your materials out, turn your computer on, write down a to-do list for yourself, make yourself a warm beverage… anything that will get you into “work mode”.
Setting boundaries
Similar to the previous point made, 2020 has really taught me how important boundaries are. Whether it’s with work, your partner, a family member, a friend or a colleague, you are allowed to - and should - set boundaries. This is to protect yourself and your mental health, which we will speak about more later.
Setting boundaries does not make you a bad person. They are essential for healthy relationships with others and with yourself. Boundaries are very personal to everyone but try to take a moment to figure out what you need and what you don’t need in your life. And more specifically, what is making your life harder or less enjóyable and see if there is anything you can do to lessen its impact on you.
For example, if you do not get along with someone’s partner and wish to not see or speak to them, that is your right and it does not make you a bad person. Explain to your loved one why you wish to keep your relationship strictly between the two of you and not have their partner meddle in it. It will probably be hard for them to hear but at the end of the day, they have to respect your choice. And if they don’t or they forget, remind them until they understand. Or distance yourself for a while if it is too much for you.
Support is essential
Though 2020 has been hard, I feel like a lot of people came together to help each other out. People reached out to acquaintances to check in on them, many did their elderly neighbour’s shopping and overall, I feel like the world came together in a way. Having a support bubble around you is important when you are going through something difficult. And that is true even when the whole world is facing a tough time.
Now more than ever, it has become apparent just how important having supportive people around you is. Even just someone sending you a short message asking how you are can be helpful. The key is to not feel like you are alone. Because you truly aren’t. But if you feel that way, please reach out to a loved one or call a helpline. My DMs are always open if you need to chat. Please remember that you are never alone.
People who want to be a part of your life will make an effort
This has been a big lesson for me this year. And though it takes time to fully accept this, it’s very simple: people who want to be a part of your life will make an effort. They will call, they will message, they will ask you questions, they will make you a priority. Any relationship, whether it’s with family, friends or romantic, needs to be equal. The other person has to put in as much effort as you. And if they don’t, then they are not worth your time.
Things don’t always go as planned
Talk about an understatement. I think 2020 has been the year of cancelled plans. Whether that be trips, family visits or meeting up with a friend. I have found this particularly hard because I am a planner. I like to plan everything in great detail and know where I will be in 3 months. 2020 has, however, taught me to go with the flow. There is no other way to do it.
Planning became near impossible with constantly changing restrictions. Hell, my plans for Christmas changed about 7 times. It’s normal to be upset when plans are cancelled or you don’t get to see who you wanted to see. But for your own good, it is so important that you learn to let go and just accept that there are certain things out of your control. Make the best of your situation, no matter what it’s like and know that this won’t be forever. We will be able to meet people, go to events and travel again - even though this might feel like a lifetime away right now.
Mental health is a priority
Repeat after me: “my mental health is a priority. My mental health is a priority. My mental health is a priority.” No task, job or person is more important than your mental health. No “if”s, “and”s or “but”s.
It’s okay to feel all your feelings
2020 has been a rollercoaster. There were some good times, some sad times, some terrible times. Through it all, you have probably felt a wide range of emotions. And that’s perfectly normal. If you have cried more in 2020 than you have in your entire life, that’s okay. If you’ve had a good year, considering the circumstances, that’s amazing too. Whatever feelings you have and are currently feeling, they are all valid.
You are allowed to feel all of your emotions and take time to process them. This year has taught us to slow down so take a deep breath and allow ourselves to feel everything. There is no shame in it. If you need to cry, have a cry. If you need to let out your anger, hit a pillow or go for a run. If you are feeling overwhelmed, let yourself dive into your emotions deeper by journalling. There is no right or wrong way to experience life, just allow yourself to do so on your own terms.
Practising gratitude
Finally, I have kept the biggest lesson that I have learned in 2020 for last. We all know about gratitude, how we should be grateful for the things we have, no matter how insignificant they might seem. Many people have gratitude journals where they write down 5 things they are grateful for that day right before going to bed. In a year where shit seemed to just pile up and up, practising gratitude has been essential.
When everyone feels rubbish and you just want to stay under your duvet for the rest of your life, writing down a few things that you are grateful for can hugely impact the way you feel. Here are some of the seemingly insignificant things that I have been extremely grateful for this year:
· Tea
· Acorn, my unicorn hot water bottle
· My bed
· Video calls with my family
· Walks
· Music
· Netflix
Your list will probably look very different but listing 5 things you are grateful for every day, no matter how small they might be, will truly change your life for the better.
So here are 10 things that I learned in 2020. Take a moment tonight to reflect on what you have learned this year and write down some things you are grateful for. Let’s start 2020 on a positive note. See you tomorrow for Day 2 of “7 Days of Relatable Sunday”!
Yours truly,